I had to finally let him go.
It wasn’t sudden or unexpected. Our relationship has been breaking down for some time. It started last July and the distance grew greater between us with every passing week.
I was on to someone new. I had my excitement back. It was like my mojo had been re-energized.
It had nothing to do with disrespect, or unfaithfulness. It wasn’t me and it wasn’t him. The two of us simply drifted apart.
The wonderful thing is that he will always be with me. He’s much a part of me as I am of him.
The person I’m leaving is myself
I’m leaving my old self behind. I’m letting go of an identity that no longer works for me.
I’m letting go of identifying as Darren, the personal trainer.
I’m letting go of identifying as Darren, the nutrition coach.
I’m letting go of my website of the last four years that supported that identity.
I’m feeling some crazy emotions right now
Yesterday I had a two hour coaching call with my coach. She helped me see the need to make the shift. I turned off the subscription forms on my old website. I archived the EatMoveBe Facebook group.
I needed to let go of all things fitness and nutrition to fully transition into
Coaching gay men to break out of the status quo that fucks with who they want to be.
I’m not giving up my skills or knowledge of health and fitness. Instead I’m letting go of an old business model that wasn’t working for me, because it wasn’t who I was any more.
As an entrepreneur, if you close up one business, it’s like giving away your child, or breaking up with your lover. It’s not like leaving a job for a new one.
In the new job you have a different job description. But as an entrepreneur the common denominator is yourself. You have to work through the emotions of loss. You’re letting go of your past efforts. It’s hard to let go of something I’ve put so much time, energy, and money into, but it’s the only way I can move forward.
You have to let go of what’s holding you back to move forward
Once I made the decision and started to cut the cord, I had two physical reactions. First, it felt like about ten pounds of weight had slid off my back. I felt lighter and exhaled with a sense of relieve. Second, I started to get the shakes.
I relayed this to my friend, Karla, who said,
“Those shakes are the energy of stepping out of your comfort toward GREATNESS!”
My other business was not letting me embrace my uniqueness as a gay man. I wasn’t able to fully express my queerness in a way that worked for me. This block was limiting my happiness and also my feeling of success!
It was a situation where I was out (and I’ve been out for over 30 years) but I was trying to fit in. I had boxed myself in, within the norms of the health and fitness world. Whenever I became “Personal Trainer Darren” I felt like I was doing drag. I had to be something else other than authentic.
It’s time to stop living a carefully muted life
For me, being a gay man is not enough. I’m working to create something that’s much bigger than me.
This means I need to be queer as fuck and look at the world through a queer lens.
I want people to see the status quo for what it is: conformity based on fear.
I’m here to help LGBTQ people break down the boxes we build up around ourselves to fit in. I want us to be loud, proud, and to make this world a lot queerer.
See difference and embrace it.
That’s where creativity, uniqueness, and greatness live.