1 min read

Is the Pain and Discomfort of Regret Worth the Excuses for Not Changing?

The sucking stuck of regret.
Is the Pain and Discomfort of Regret Worth the Excuses for Not Changing?
Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

What is regret if nothing more than the unwillingness, or in some cases the inability, to change your current circumstances?

The experience of regret requires that you live in the past, not the present moment.

This is how regret plays out…

Instead of observing what is happening now…

Instead of sensing how you are feeling in this moment now…

Instead of taking personal responsibility to make a decision about what you are going to do next…

Instead of being in the moment of potential, you look at what you did in the past and assume you are forever attached to what you have previously done and are unable to change.

That is the ‘stuck of regret.’

It’s important to know how to ask transformational questions to pull you out of the sucking stuck of regret.

Instead of making a self-defeating statement like for example,

I told myself I would never be in therapy for 10 years.

…you can reframe the situation.

To reframe the past, ask an open-ended question.

For example,

What have I learned over this time of my life about myself, about humanity, about relationships, about my father, about myself?

Whenever I offer these reframes when coaching a client, I’m not suggesting that looking at events from your past in a different way makes it automatically easier. Nor am I suggesting that you ignore your past or concoct lies to mask the truth of your past. That would only make things worse.

However, if you continue to make statements about your life that keep you trapped and unhappy, you will de facto remain trapped and unhappy.

However, if you ask transformational questions and make statements that open you up to new possibilities and different ways of thinking and feeling, no matter how small, you will affect how you act and think in a positive way.

This affect leads to transformation.

That might sound ridiculously simplistic, but it is true.