How to Change the Structure of Self-Criticism to Improve How You Feel About Yourself

Have you ever paid attention to your self-talk when feeling bad about yourself?

Do you speak to yourself so critically, that if you were to speak in the same manner to your beloved or a child, you would be shocked by your own words?

This is an interesting challenge for the ego, especially when we are stuck in our head and so self-reflexive that we don’t realize the problem with the ego and our identification as, “I”.

I — yes me — used to speak about myself in the worst way.

Looking back I would call my mental chatter abusive.

I was horribly hard on myself, and I think I attracted a mentor at the time who was a classic alpha male bully. He knew how to get into my head during group coaching calls and made me feel like a helpless little boy. I looked up to him and allowed myself to trust his expertise, telling myself that his mentoring style must be helping me.

Why else was I suffering so much?

Garbage in = garbage out

Any form of shaming, bullying, or manipulation in coaching is unacceptable. My former coach made me feel like garbage and I ate it up. And while it took me a long time to transform my self-talk, I learned a valuable lesson about how not to talk to others.

This included how not to talk to me.

Let’s play a game to minimize negative self-talk.

There are two levels of fun in this game! The first level happens in your mind and the second on paper.

Level 1: Change the Linguistic Structure of Self-Criticism

In this first level, when you catch yourself being self-critical or shaming yourself for whatever reason, change the linguistic structure of your self-talk.